Well, not actually 40 but knocking on that door with increasing intensity. It is true though. I am going to start my MBA program at the University of Oregon in ONE week at 39. You know that song, Once in a Lifetime? And you may find yourself living in a shotgun shack. And you may find yourself in another part of the world…… that’s me. How did I get here?
p.s. that’s also how I dance.
My approaching middle age self-awareness has a verve for life that was hidden years prior in self-doubt and the search for true passion. The younger me was trying desperately to have a passion but I am not a one, true passion person. Picking one thing for all of my attention and drive is binding and repulsive. Could be why I have had an exorbitant number of jobs and used to really like moving. Learning that about myself took a while and left me feeling like I wasted a decent chunk of time worrying about not having a true passion. It also left my family confused because I always change my mind. I am a mutitpotentialite. What is a multipotentialite?
Around November I was watching my life collaborator study for the LSAT and that fire in my belly for school rekindled and started smoking. What am I doing? Starting my own business was the tip of the iceberg. It was inspiring to watch someone you love go after their goals. I decided to look into an MBA. You know, the ROI of it and all. So I met up with one recruiter from the school to pick his brain with an idea I might apply next year and it was cool. We each had vetted each other and sat for a decent convo over coffee. I do have a couple of inventions, a handful of business ideas and some lofty ambitions. So I met with another recruiter, it really was only a recon job but they were both so supportive and advocated for my application that I jumped through those hoops, nothing stellar but a lot of putting myself out there. Then I waited. Patience and I can have issues. I couldn’t make my next plan or list accurately without knowing for sure what the school’s decision was.
Soon the letter came for my life collaborator and it was a wind of excitement blowing through the house. No letter for me, still working that virtue. What if I didn’t get in? What if I did? I have been to college, plenty. And have had all kinds of interviews, try-outs, performances, but that mental nag was working my doubt like a parasite nesting. Then I got THE email. I didn’t think I would be so emotional. It is always nice to feel accepted. YAY!! I got in.
How do I pay for it? How do I continue my real estate business and attend school? How will I find time to be an engaged, good mom? What if I am too OLD? What if my style/tattoos/beliefs/sexual orientation/politics/life choices make me stick out or make me not fit? What if I am not smart enough? How can I possibly handle more on my already full plate?
I have no idea how I am going to do it all but I am all in. All in with my gritty resolve, quirk, sass and heart. And I want to share this journey. I have a feeling there may be others out there going for the gusto in life or at least thinking hard about going for it. I have had some great life experiences and some heartbreaking ones all peppered between my beautiful & ordinary existence. And the main lesson I have learned is LIFE IS TOO SHORT. What am I waiting for? Letting the days go by. Not me, not today.